Super Motherload Arrives on Steam Early Access, PSN Versions on Sale

XGen Studio’s follow-up to Flash game Motherload has excavated its way onto Steam Early Access, bringing with it the chance to group up with your friends as you venture into the depths of Mars. Like its console brethren, the Steam version will also offer local co-op, but also includes controller support for four simultaneous players.

Set on Mars in an alternate Cold-War era, Deal Now Motherload is a 1 to 4-player couch co-op digging adventure with storyline by Image Comics’ Kurtis Wiebe, a fully voiced cast of Soviet and American characters, and a procedurally-generated world that changes each time you play. Purchase powerful upgrades and supplies for your mining pod as you progress and prosper, as well as rare Specials Abilities with random availability.

You, the player, work for Solarus Corporation, an inter-planetary mining operation that has developed the infrastructure needed to harvest the precious resources of Mars to meet demand back on Earth. Soon after being dropped on Mars, you begin to discover that things aren’t quite as they seem.

To help celebrate the release, XGen has the Steam version available at a 10% discount until March 5th, putting it at $13.49. Meanwhile, PlayStation versions are also receiving a hefty discount for the cross-buy title, with price tags of $7.50 until March 3, or $3.75 for PS Plus subscribers.

Amazon And The BBC Make Ripper Of A Deal

Super Sale have struck a deal with the BBC to revive the cancelled crime drama Ripper Street. Thanks to Amazon’s financial input, the new season will be streamed on Amazon Instant before it airs on the BBC.

The deal shows the power that online streaming companies now have. Being able to create original content and having the financial clout to revive shows that still have a loyal following.

Ripper Street was cancelled last year after two seasons by the BBC who said it “didn’t bring the audience we hoped”, and stars Matthew Macfadyen and Jerome Flynn as police detectives in the 19th Century at the time the ripper stalked the streets of Whitechapel, East London.

The new season will begin shooting in May and will premiere first on the Amazon Prime Instant on-demand service which will also have the first two seasons available to stream.

The BBC were Cock-a-Hoop with the news, drama boss Ben Stephenson said it was an, “an exceptional opportunity” to bring back the show. He said: “This deal gives fans another series of the show they love at excellent value to the licence fee-payer, ensuring that the BBC can also commission an entirely new, yet-to-be-announced drama series.”

Speaking for Amazon, head of Amazon instant video international content acquisition, Jason Ropell said, “We’re delighted to have secured not only the highly popular first two seasons of Ripper Street for our Prime Instant Video customers, but we can also confirm today that we will making season three, news that we know will delight the millions of fans of this brilliant British drama.”

While the Ravens’ brass will undoubtedly reiterate its intention to draft the “best-player available” countless times before May’s draft, it is already widely assumed that the team will use its first pick to either augment the offensive line or add another pass-catching weapon for quarterback Joe Flacco. It would be hard to quibble with either choice but watching the Seattle Seahawks’ dismantling of the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XLVIII was further affirmation on the effect a rangy, physical and play-making safety can have on a game. The Seahawks have two of them in Earl Thomas and Kam Chancellor and I thought it was Chancellor who set the tone in the Super Bowl and would have gotten my game MVP vote. Thomas and Chancellor are probably the best pair of safeties in the game so it’s an unfair comparison. However, I couldn’t help but watch them and be reminded of how much the Ravens needed a similar presence this year. The disappearance of their pass rush played a role in the increase in big plays allowed and decrease in turnovers forced, but so did the absence of someone on the back end who would cause quarterbacks and wide receivers to think twice about using the middle of the field. I’d expect Matt Elam to make a much bigger impact with his expected move to his more natural strong safety position but the Ravens need to find another active and athletic safety with good balls skills. With two quality cornerbacks in Lardarius Webb and Jimmy Smith, that’s the missing piece in the secondary.

While we’re still a couple of weeks from the NFL Scouting Combine and draft status can change on a daily basis, the two safeties currently projected as first-round picks are Alabama’s Ha Ha Clinton-Dix and Louisville’s Calvin Pryor. Of course, the Ravens drafting a safety in the first round for a second consecutive year is probably improbable at best. But with a certain general manager’s connections to Alabama, I’m sure the Ravens know all about Clinton-Dix.

Of all the things said or written in the wake of gary kubiak news Kubiak’s hiring as the Ravens’ offensive coordinator, the one that I found most ridiculous is that Kubiak was brought in as a potential heir apparent to head coach John Harbaugh. Sure, Kubiak will likely get a chance to be a head coach again but to think that opportunity will eventually come as the replacement to Harbaugh completely defies logic. For one, Harbaugh’s job is not in jeopardy in any way, shape or form. Two, if Kubiak gets Flacco and the Ravens’ offense to play well, the team most likely will be winning, meaning Harbaugh isn’t going anywhere. And three, Kubiak won’t be on Harbaugh’s staff for long if he engineers a Ravens’ offensive turnaround. He’ll be a top candidate for any of the head coaching jobs that will open up after the 2014 season.

Speaking of Harbaugh’s staff, it still is pretty jarring that of the Ravens’ primary five offensive coaches in Super Bowl XLVII a year ago, none of them remain with the organization. That group includes former offensive coordinator Jim Caldwell, running backs coach Wilbert Montgomery, wide receivers coach Jim Hostler, offensive line coach Andy Moeller and tight ends coach Wade Harman. Of the nine offensive coaches listed on the game card for Super Bowl XLVII, the only three that are still with the Ravens are Juan Castillo, who was hired as a consultant during the playoffs, and position coach assistants Craig Ver Steeg and Todd Washington.

Harbaugh’s current staff includes three former or current NFL head coaches (Harbaugh, Kubiak and secondary coach Steve Spagnuolo), two former or current NFL offensive coordinators (Kubiak and Rick Dennison) and four former or current NFL defensive coordinators ( Dean Pees, Don Martindale, Spagnuolo and Castillo).

Really looking forward to seeing how Kubiak and Dennison utilize second-year fullback Kyle Juszczyk who had no role in the offense this past season. I’m not the first person to mention this by any stretch but it’s easy to envision Juszczyk being used in a similar way than how the Texans used James Casey. Casey, who has since moved onto the Philadelphia Eagles, was used at times in a hybrid H-back role lining up in different places and taking advantage of his skill set. He caught 34 balls and three touchdowns for the Texans in 2012 It would be quite a jump for Juszczyk to go from zero catches to 34 but it’s not unreasonable to expect the former fourth-round pick to be part of the game plan in 2014.

Ravens wide receiver Aaron Mellette said on his Twitter account yesterday that he had been cleared by doctors to run, calling it the “best news” that he’s heard in awhile. Mellette, a seventh-round draft pick last year, had surgery to repair cartilage damage in his knee and spent the season on injured reserve. As a result, Mellette has sort of become a forgotten man in the Ravens’ wide receiver picture. But Mellette did show some promise in the preseason, catching nine balls for 140 yards and two touchdowns. With Jacoby Jones potentially leaving in free agency, Tandon Doss no lock to get rendered a contract as a restricted free agent and Deonte Thompson having fallen down the depth chart, Mellette could really factor into the team’s plans. And it’s imperative that he’s healthy enough to fully take part in all the offseason workouts and team activities.

I would have loved to have been a fly in the wall wherever Ravens’ strong-side linebacker Elvis Dumervil watched the Super Bowl. While Dumervil maintains some close friendships with Broncos’ players and staff members, I’d imagine that he had to be pretty conflicted as he got ready to watch the big game. Given his breakup with the Broncos which included a pay cut request and the whole fax machine snafu, you’d have to think that the only thing more painful than his new team not making the playoffs would be watching his former one winning the Super Bowl.

LiveDeal Inc. (LIVE) Radar Signals on Online Deal Platform, Tableau Software Inc. (DATA) on Strong Results

LiveDeal Inc. (LIVE)

According to Pew Research Center, 91% of American adults have a cell phone, 63% of adult cell owners use their phones to go Amazon Deal Online and 34% of cell internet users go online mostly using their phones, and not using some other device such as a desktop or laptop computer.

Cisco forecasts that traffic from wireless and mobile devices will exceed traffic from wired devices by 2016

Mobile is the greatest shift in human communication since the beginning of the internet.

LIVE recently reported that it will release Apple iOS and Andoid apps of its popular livedeal.com to keep pace with a growing livedeal.com mobile user base. The native mobile applications are near completion and are scheduled to be released by the end of the first quarter.

LIVE’s livedeal.com is a unique, real-time “deal engine” connecting merchants with consumers.

LIVE’s latest addition to its online deal platform is DealCentral, which has the potential to change the industry by putting all of the power in the hands of businesses that use the platform to entice potential customers with offers and deals. DealCentral lets restaurants instantly create, modify, pause and play and most importantly publish promotional deals to hungry nearby diners.

LIVE believes that it has developed a first-of-its-kind web/mobile platform providing restaurants with full control and flexibility to instantly publish customized offers whenever they wish to attract customer.

According to the company, the popularity of its “deal engine” has quickly caught on in the dining industry in those cities it has officially launched, San Diego, Los Angeles, and San Francisco.

LIVE provides marketing solutions that boost customer awareness and merchant visibility on the Internet. LIVE operates a deal engine, which is a service that connects merchants and consumers via an innovative platform that uses geo-location, enabling businesses to communicate real-time and instant offers to nearby consumers.

More about LiveDeal Inc. (LIVE) at www.livedeal.com

**

Crown Equity Holdings Inc. (CRWE)

Over the past decade, social media has become a widespread presence that touches the lives of countless people.

There has been a lot of growth in social media websites lately. Many observers are following this growth quite keenly for various reasons. Some of them are looking to invest in companies.

CRWE is looking to deliver value for its stockholders in both the near and long term, and to improve the potential future growth for the company, is targeting the multi-billion dollar social networking service market.

CRWE is currently developing a social networking service and phone app, CRWE Network (www.CRWE-PR.com), that is designed to target all the communities in every state of the United States, with its geographic focus starting in Southern California and Las Vegas Nevada, and in Canada, starting in Montreal, Calgary, Vancouver, Edmonton. Toronto, Victoria, Winnipeg, Saskatoon and Kamloops.

CRWE ‘s business plan is based on selling advertising to local businesses. Its goal is to facilitate exchanges of goods and services in a manner similar to Craigslist, a classified advertisements website with sections devoted to jobs, housing, personals, for sale, items wanted, services, community, gigs, r&;sum&;s, and discussion forums.

CRWE offers advertising branding and marketing services as a worldwide online multi-media publisher.

More about Crown Equity Holdings Inc. (CRWE) at www.crownequityholdings.com.

**

Tableau Software Inc. (DATA)

Keep a close eye on DATA. The company reported strong performance on its financial results on Tuesday after cloing bell.

For the fourth quarter 2013, DATA posted total revenues of $81.5 million, a 95% increase year over year, GAAP operating income of $9.2 million, compared to GAAP operating loss of $2.3 million in the same period the prior year, and GAAP net income of $11.2 million, or $0.16 per diluted common share, compared to a GAAP net loss of $1.1 million, or $0.03 per diluted common share, for the fourth quarter of 2012.

Recently, DATA was upgraded from neutral to buy, and raised its 12-month price target raised from $77.00 to $92.00 by brokerage firm Goldman Sachs

DATA, a business analytics software company, helps people see and understand data. It helps anyone quickly analyze, visualize and share information.

More about Tableau Software (DATA) at www.tableausoftware.com

**

Read Full Disclaimer at www.drstockpick.com/disclaimer

LACONIA - Brady Sullivan Properties will make offers to buy back five poorly installed modular homes in its Paugus Woods subdivision, under terms of an agreement reached with state consumer protection officials.

New Hampshire Attorney General Joseph Foster announced the settlement involving the Villas at Paugus Bay, a subdivision on White Oaks Road in Laconia. However, questions linger about how the properties passed city inspections, and then months later started showing cracks in walls and failing independent inspections.

"As I recall, there were some issues with code inspection," said Laconia Mayor Edward Engler, who prefaced his remarks by saying he’s only been mayor for two weeks. "The person who did these inspections is long gone."

Brady Sullivan had already repaired defects in about 40 modular homes in fall 2011, when the Attorney General brought action against the company. The Consumer Protection Bureau alleged Brady Sullivan violated the Land Sales Full Disclosure Act because Deal Now materials claimed the homes complied with local and state building codes.

In a statement issued yesterday, Brady Sullivan denied any wrongdoing and said it believes it would have been vindicated at trial.

"Brady Sullivan has always been committed to building and selling safe, quality and affordable homes in the Villas at Paugus Bay and has continually stood behind its warranties to the homeowners in the Villas at Paugus Bay," the statement reads.

According to the Attorney General, homes at Paugus Woods did not meet codes covering electrical work, heating and ventilation. They were not properly attached to their foundations. The insulation was inadequate; foundation support was not up to snuff; and some modules were not properly bolted together.

"A home is the most significant purchase many of us will make in our lifetimes," Foster said in a statement issued Tuesday afternoon. "Because of the importance of such a purchase, New Hampshire law requires that homes in subdivisions of this kind be accurately described in promotional materials and not contain the type of substantial defects that were discovered in these homes. "

The settlement was approved last week by a Belknap County Superior Court judge.

Both Brady Sullivan and Assistant Attorney General David Rienzo said the city had inspected the homes and approved them for occupancy.

The Attorney General became involved after state Fire Marshal inspectors found that some modules had not been properly bolted together, Rienzo said. Brady Sullivan eventually paid for an engineer to inspect each home and do repairs.

"Brady Sullivan then expeditiously repaired all of the problems identified for all homeowners who wanted Brady Sullivan to do so," the company said in a press statement.

Rienzo said the buy backs were the issue that prompted the Attorney General to bring suit. Under the terms announced today, Brady Sullivan will offer to buy back the house at its original price. The offer will be good for 30 days, and the owner will have three months to move out.

He said penalties were possible under the law, but the settlement calls for Brady Sullivan to pay $85,000, which represents administrative assessments and investigative costs. Rienzo said his office has no other investigations involving Brady Sullivan.

"Brady Sullivan has chosen to put the matter to rest on terms acceptable to it and the Attorney General and in doing so, will move forward with its continued mission of providing quality homes at affordable prices throughout New England," he said.

Engler, who is the editor of the Laconia Daily Sun, said the city experienced significant turnover in its code enforcement office in the years Paugus Woods was built. Code inspections were eventually put under the control of the Planning Department, and code inspections have been privatized.

His newspaper wrote about problems with the code inspection office.

"That was one of the issues, how did these (Paugus Woods) buildings pass inspection? Not a lot was said about it," Engler said. He said the feeling at city hall is that the city inspection process has improved.


BusinessWest

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Mercer judge rejects ex-teacher’s plea Promotional Codes

PRINCETON, W.Va. - A Mercer County judge has rejected a plea agreement for a former teacher accused of sex crimes involving students.

Former PikeView High School physical education teacher Jonathan Kirk pleaded guilty last November to one count of sexual abuse and six counts of distribution of obscene material to a minor child.

Kirk was scheduled to be sentenced Friday. Media outlets report that Circuit Court Judge William Sadler rejected the plea agreement and scheduled trial for April 15.

Sadler said the plea agreement didn’t take Kirk’s position as a teacher into account. The judge also expressed reservations about presentencing and sexual offender evaluation reports filed in the case.

Discount Super Bowl Tickets: QueenBeeTickets.com Now Offering 2014 Super Bowl Tickets for Sale at Discounted Prices When Customers Use Promo Code “DISCOUNT”

(PRWEB) January 19, 2014 

Buy Cheap Super Bowl tickets are top sellers when the New Year begins. QueenBeeTickets.com has many great deals to offer football fans who are seeking stadium seats at an affordable price.

The big day is February 2, and the game will take place at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey. Spirits are high at the current time with the game approaching quickly, and fans who are searching for Super Bowl tickets for sale at affordable prices are running out of time to obtain good seats. The biggest event in football attracts a huge number of fans to view the televised version and to attend the actual game.

When football fans purchase 2014 Super Bowl tickets, they usually choose the ones that are the most affordable unless they are looking for premium seats. It is important for sports enthusiasts to grab the good deals as soon as they come across them because bargain prices may not last long. QueenBeeTickets.com always has discount Super Bowl tickets available to online customers during football season, and online shopping for stadium seats is a quick, secure and convenient way to prepare for attendance at the game.

This year’s event is being held at MetLife Stadium, and many football buffs already have their 2014 Super Bowl tickets in hand, eagerly anticipating the game that is coming up in just weeks. The halftime show will be provided by Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. With such great musical entertainment in store for fans along with the exciting and challenging event itself, February 2 will be a great day in the game of football.

Besides looking for Super Bowl tickets for sale for the event itself, many sports buffs are also seeking good deals on tickets for pregame festivities. There are a variety of celebrations taking place in such locations as Flushing, Newark, East Rutherford, Staten Island, and Brooklyn, and numerous football aficionados will want to acquire these tickets along with discount Super Bowl tickets.

There will be a good bit of traveling taking place next month as sports enthusiasts from other locations make a trip to New Jersey for the winter classic. Package deals are currently available that will provide reasonable prices for hotel accommodations. Fans with 2014 Super Bowl tickets who will need to travel to East Rutherford will be interested in taking advantage of these bargains.

QueenBeeTickets.com has a huge online inventory providing many Super Bowl tickets for sale. Sports fans will want to acquire their tickets quickly and easily on the secure website or by phone.

Beyond Compare: Online Retailer Assessed Multi-Million Civil Penalty In California For Allegedly Deceptive Price Comparisons - Media, Telecoms, IT, Entertainment - United

A recent California state court held that Overstock.com, Inc. (“Overstock”) must pay the Deal Now for its allegedly deceptive pricing practices. Seven district attorneys throughout California brought a complaint against Overstock in 2010, alleging five separate violations of state law. The focus of these claims was that Overstock allegedly made false and misleading statements in reference to the “advertised reference price” (“ARP”) that appeared on its website. Specifically, the attorneys general stated that Overstock was deceiving consumers about the savings the company promises by routinely fabricating or inflating the prices its competitors reportedly charge, and that where Overstock did examine the competing prices for a certain product, it deliberately lists the highest retail price rather than the price most often encountered. Last week, the trial court issued an injunction against the online seller, and assessed an approximately $6.8 million civil penalty.

In examining the claims, the court paid special attention to Overstock’s terminology on its website, as well as its pricing policies. First, it distinguished between Overstock’s use of the term “list price” from its later use of the phrases “compare” and “compare at.” It also noted that until September 2008, Overstock had no processes or procedures in place to confirm that for any given list price there was in fact at least one instance of a sale at this price. However, at that point Overstock created a “Pricing Validation Team” to document the sources of ARPs. Still, Overstock would seek and use as the ARP, the highest street price it could find.

The court explained that the analysis differs depending on whether the ARP was described as “list price” or “compare” price. When called a “list price,” the court found that Overstock was making a false representation because this price was not always the actual list price of the product being sold. Rather, it sometimes was a price based on a formula or the price of a similar but non-identical product.

For the “compare” and “compare at” eras, while not literally false, the court found Overstock’s practices were misleading in certain circumstances. The court held it was misleading to use formulas or similar products to set ARPs, and that it is misleading to set ARPs based on the highest price found without disclosing that practice. The court went on to provide examples of what acceptable disclosures should entail:

  • If using MRSP as the ARP, the disclosure should say “compare MSRP.” (It is interesting to note that the NAD has suggested that use of MSRP as a reference price if it is not a prevailing price paid by consumers in the market is deceptive. See here and here.)
  • If an online retailer uses non-sale department store prices as ARP, the disclosure should say “compare regular department store.”
  • If making an unqualified use of “compare,” you must either use a range of prices of what is commonly found on the Internet (“compare at $X to $Y”) or make an effort to identify and use the prices it finds at one or more of the major online retail sites.

The court then issued an injunction that would:

  • Prohibit the use of ARPs based on a formula or a similar but non-identical product;
  • Prohibit the use of the highest price found anywhere unless the basis of the comparison is adequately disclosed (as described earlier);
  • Allow the unqualified use of “compare” language only if there is a good faith effort to determine the prevailing market price of the product;
  • Require a hyperlink defining any term used associated with an ARP (e.g. “MSRP”); and
  • Set a 90-day limit as the maximum period the ARP may remain posted before it must be validated as a posted price.

The court denied the restitution request for consumers who were misled by Overstock’s pricing practices, but did hit Overstock with a stiff civil penalty. The court assessed a daily civil penalty of $3,500 from March 24, 2006 September 24, 2008 (the approximate date of the pricing validation team implementation), and a daily penalty of $2,000 thereafter. The total civil penalty assessed was therefore $6,819,000.

Overstock has already said it plans to appeal both the injunction and the amount of the penalty. And we are glad. This is one of the few litigated cases involving allegations around sales pricing claims. And while we are all opposed to fraudulent pricing claims, as we have written before, these laws and enforcement of them really seems to deter good faith discounting, as well. Marketers discount their prices only if it will promise more traffic in their stores. And more traffic can only be generated if the price savings is advertised. The investigatory hurdles set up by this decision may make offering legally compliant sales an impossibility for all but the most sophisticated retailers. And even for the big guys, the cost of such a compliance program would surely mean consumers are paying more. But in the meantime, discounting retailers would do well to pay attention to these California developments.

The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.

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'The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills': Yoyawnda's broken heart club

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“She Hearts You, She Hearts You Not”
December 23, 2013

I’m a week behind. I BLAME ANDY COHEN. I mean, why would you air a new episode on Christmas Eve eve? EVERYONE RUNS RERUNS ON CHRISTMAS EVE EVE, ANDY COHEN! And then to schedule another new episode on New Year’s Eve eve? I SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING: YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME, ANDY COHEN. Ay, dios mio. And in conclusion: I am sorry this is so late. Also, Happy New Year and Merry Christmas.

So Jacqueline Joyce and her big pudgy babyman of a husband (David? Michael? I don’t care?) go out for sushi so that Jacqueline Joyce can 1. demonstrate that she had her babyman are “maaaaaadly in love,” which, sure, ask Kyle about doth protesting and what constitutes “too much,” and how that works out for everybody, and 2. so that she can bring up on camera, again, Brandi and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad racist thing she said when she called Jacqueline Joyce a “black person” because she doesn’t know how to swim. “NO!” says Babyman. Jacqueline Joyce then tells him about the whole insult to her name thing, how Brandi insists that the name “Joyce” is for a “big fat pig” and not for someone as lovely as Jacqueline Joyce. “NOOOO!” says Babyman instead of, “hey, she did say you were pretty, right? I mean, a backhanded compliment is still a compliment, &;verdad?”

Speaking (negatively) of Brandi, she and her squadron of Amazons are joined by Kim, Kyle, Mauricio and Corolla to look for the missing Chica by plastering the block with missing signs and screaming “CHICA!!!” every once in a while. Shockingly, they do not find Chica.

Carlton, meanwhile, continues to sexually harass her poor helpless nanny by locking the poor dear into an oversized closet filled with sex toys and lingerie whilst yammering about her plans to turn the closet into a dungeon or “playroom” or something, I do not know, please stop making me look at Carlton in ball gags, yick.

Elsewhere, Lisa and Grandpa Ken oversee the construction of their newest gay Vanderbar which presumably will have its own spin-off, too, so that Andy Cohen can invite the “staff/cast” onto Watch What Happens Live! and hit on them.

And Kim. Kudos to Kim and her crazed pitbull, Kingsley for making vast improvements in Kingsley’s behavior since we last saw them together. They seem to be listening to the trainer’s advice and Kingsley certainly seems much calmer and less prone to violently flinging himself at the throats of Kim’s guests. Of course, the weird head muzzle Kim borrowed from Carlton and strapped Kingsley into probably helps things as well. That said, there still appear to be some improvements to be made - namely in Kim and Kingsley’s rather unhealthful co-dependency issues - and to that end, Kim is sending Kingsley off to doggie sleepover camp with the trainer. Kim is reluctant to let her best friend and bedmate go (see: co-dependent), but, somewhat sadly, her son convinces her to let Kingsley leave by comparing sending Kingsley to doggie sleepover camp and leaving her to Kim leaving her children to go to rehab. This just got deep, y’all.

Oh boy, another Yoyawnda Foster dinner party to celebrate her husband, David Foster, Musical Genius, some Canadian tenors, who knows. Before the party, Yoyawnda drags us along to the florist, because that’s interesting. There, Yoyawnda somewhat self-consciously acknowledges that she spends an ungodly amount of money on flowers, an item that is ultimately perishable and, let’s be frank, useless. And for this, this minutest glimmer of self-awareness, this infinitesimally small instance of consideration that, “hey, this is a ridiculous and gross display of wealth and conspicuous consumption and maybe the people on the other side of the screen might find this not glamorous and enviable but actually kind of stomach-turning,” for this I give Yoyawnda the most begrudging and equally small credit. Because let’s be honest: it still doesn’t stop her from not only spending the cash on a bunch of flowers for a dinner party to celebrate her husband, David Foster, Musical Genius, some Canadian tenors, but also taking us along to gawk as she does so.

So, you know.

Also, Yoyawnda has that blustering English catering guy back at the house, injecting innocent strawberries with Grand Marnier, if you are interested. It’s important to Yoyawnda that we understand that when she has a dinner party, you’ll never see the same table twice, because you might as well just go to a restaurant. This confuses me, as I consider going to a restaurant and going to a friend’s house for a dinner party not particularly comparable experiences. But then again, I’ve never been to one of Yoyawnda and David Foster’s famous Don’t-Sing-Alongs, so what do I know.

Shortly before the dinner party is set to begin, Carlton calls to beg off, suddenly not feeling well and not wanting to put Yoyawnda’s immune system at risk. David Foster, however, is NOT HAVING IT, and clutches his pearls, aghast that she called so very late. OH CALM DOWN, GRANDMA. Carlton is a busy woman who has sex dungeons to build and goats to sacrifice to the Triple Goddess and nannies to make feel uncomfortable: sometimes things come up at the last minute, it happens.

In a decision that could have gone very, very poorly (but unfortunately for us does not), Brandi and Kyle ride over to Yoyawnda’s in a limo together, where Brandi informs Kyle that some mean old lady tore down all her missing Chica signs because they were violating the HOA (Which HA! Wow! How awful do you have to be to tear down missing dog posters? Like the very worst? I think you have to be the Very Worst!). Kyle invites Brandi to model in some upcoming fundraiser for The Kidz, you know, the sick ones; and by “model” Kyle means, “walk around my store in outfits I pick out for you.” OK, sure, whatever, says Brandi before whining about Lisa (and to a lesser extent, Yoyawnda) Vanderjudging her for drinking so much. Brandi then suggests that she and Kyle get their buzz on now before going to the dinner party. Yes. Good plan. Most definitely do that.

People start arriving at the Fosters’: Kyle and Brandi, soon followed by Joyce and Babyman, Kim and finally Lisa and Grandpa Ken. Yoyawnda explains that Gigi will be playing the role of Carlton tonight BUT NOT EATING CARLTON’S FOOD BECAUSE SHE HAS A CAREER TO THINK ABOUT, and then everyone talks about how gorgeous and successful Gigi is becoming as a model, just in case you were wondering. It also gives Brandi a chance to make a snide comment about Jacqueline Joyce being jealous of any women who are younger and prettier than she is, which on the one hand is kinda funny and gives Jacqueline Joyce a chance to remind us that she has her own pageant to “empower” young women, but on the other, oh, Brandi. Pot and kettle, honey.

Brandi then goes on to accuse Lisa of having Vanderimplants, which quickly devolves into Brandi Lisa and Kyle grabbing each others’ breastages. It’s fun and classy and certainly not making Lisa unVandercomfortable, why would you even say that?

Mauricio, who was out selling three houses (!) that afternoon, finally arrives and everyone is able to sit down to dinner where they discover that some of the women (Brandi and Lisa) have little hearts drawn on their name place cards, while other women (Kyle, Kim and Jacqueline Joyce) do not. Kyle takes great offense to this, demanding Yoyawnda explain herself. Yoyawnda insists she did not do it consciously, but then goes on to laugh that she was designating her “dream team,” a reference to Kyle’s Palm Springs’ accusation that Yoyawnda, Lisa and Brandi were on “a team” together. Now, Yoyawnda was clearly being facetious, but, because we need some sort of conflict in the episode, everyone has to look put out and insulted and hurt. This is definitely something to be upset about and to whine about in an interview session, Kyle and Jacqueline Joyce.

Over dinner, Mauricio and that Babyman that Jacqueline Joyce is married to talk about how much their wives changed after they married them - that Kyle and Jacqueline Joyce no longer want to do the adventurous things that they were up for before they put a ring on it, and WHATEVER, DUDES, THEY ALSO HAD CHILDREN AFTER THEY MARRIED YOU, WHICH, BY THE WAY, MAKES SOME PEOPLE DECIDE THAT MAYBE IT’S NOT AS COOL ANYMORE TO FLING ONESELF OFF THE TOP OF A MOUNTAIN OR INTO THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN OR OUT OF AN animated christmas cards online BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, THERE ARE THESE LITTLE PEOPLE AT HOME WHO ARE DEPENDENT ON THEM, BUT SURE, HAR HAR HAR, THEY JUST PRETENDED TO DO THESE THINGS WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE TO LOCK IT DOWN BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, CHICKS, MAN.

Ugh.

At some point during this, Lisa notices the Brandi is beginning to get that certain drunken loll in her eye and Vandertsks in her general direction. Brandi does not care.

David Foster then toasts his guests and explains that they will be enjoying a musical “treat” after dinner. Kyle snarks about not being allowed to sing along, and in that moment, if David Foster could have killed Kyle with his brain, he totally would have.

Yoyawnda then toasts David Foster for not leaving her when she was recovering from a debilitating and potentially life-threatening illness. Yes. Cheers to that. You’re a hero, David Foster.

Jacqueline Joyce then babbles some sort of toast in Spanish, who cares. Brandi helps make it more interesting, God bless her, by interjecting her own notes on the toast, which include: “SAY IT IN ENGLISH.” Jacqueline Joyce then tries to tell some story about her “baby,” and by “baby,” she means “Babyman,” which is gross, but accurate. Brandi interrupts to ask how many babies, exactly, Jacqueline Joyce, has, and Jacqueline Joyce explains that she has two “little ones,” and Babyman. At this, Brandi leers at Babyman, asking if he’s a baby or a man. “Both!” Babyman says. (Note: He does not say this.)

There is something about Kyle and Kim’s sad made up childhood language that they created so that they could talk smack about Kathy Hilton in front of her. And then the Grand Marnier-injected strawberries come out and everyone makes Botox jokes because Los Angeles.

David Foster introduces his four Canadians who sing opera-y songs and everyone has to pretend to pay attention amd like it and ohmygodisitoveryet BECAUSE THIS IS SO BORING YOU ARE BORING ME NOW. GODDAMMIT, DAVID FOSTER, I DIDN’T THINK YOU COULD BORE ME MORE BUT SOMEHOW, SHOCKINGLY, YOU HAVE. ENOUGH. THAT IS ENOUGH TENORING.

But, hey, Kim dug it.

And then everyone goes home because GO HOME, EVERYONE, and Jacqueline Joyce and Babyman chat in the limo about what a terrible person Brandi is, isn’t she the worst? (No. No she is not. She’s actually quite terrific, dummies.)

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Monday nights at 7 p.m./8 p.m. EST on Bravo.

Therese is also watching American Horror Story, Saturday Night Live, , Arrested Development, and dreams of one day watching and recapping the last two episodes of , but who is she kidding?